So Ive been deported and Im on a plane....

Okay, not really deported. But kind of. I am on a plane....I needed an attention grabber ;-)

Two days ago, God confirmed to me it was time to relocate to a different mission field, Wisconsin. Also, known as home to me. But, I dont feel like home is the proper name anymore, because of the many things Ive learned recently my home is in heaven. And my life on this earth, devoted to Jesus, is about sharing the Gospel wherever I am. Im just a traveler, a visitor, on this earth with a message to share with everyone I meet until I am called home to heaven. From one mission field to the next I go, wherever I am called by God. And so, today I am leaving the mission field in Nicaragua a head of my brothers and sister who were also called to Nicaragua with me (and Im following 2 others) to re-enter the mission field in America. Both places are equally worthy of Gods message and in need of much work to be done.

I hope to be able to share everything clearly with you; my trials, struggles, lessons learned, experiences, and my heart to help you understand my journey these past couple months and maybe more specifically, the last couple of weeks. I struggled deeply with the thought of coming home before "my time" on May 9th. Especially when two teammates made the decision, the first about a month ago and the other just two days before me. But, I now know they were just being radically obediant to God. Girls, thank you for your example ;-)

Some of my first questions and thoughts were "are they running away from the struggles in ministry, leadership, relationships and just unwilling to stick it out and deal with them?" "Are they homesick and not being content to where God has called them and looking to him for comfort?" "Maybe they arent trying hard enough." "Maybe they are here by mistake." Which brought about questions like, "why would God call them to a 4 month missions trip to go home early, that doesnt seem reasonable?" "Why would God allow and provide financially for them to get here?" and "what a waste of money they will never see used."

Well, lets start off being very honest...I like to be. There were struggles in ministry. Language barrier, often no translator or not enough to go around, disorganization, spiritual warfare, leadership mistakes, teammate mistakes,  unmet expectations, and others. But, God was present in all of this and allowed all these things to happen. I like to call these strenghtening exercises, trials God allows us to go through that we can handle with him. Thats the proper way to handle such things, though we have the choice to act alone or not at all. And at first, its was so hard to see God in these situations. Why would he allow for such things? Not being able to communicate seemed like a greater hinderance to ministry! How was I suppose to do what I came here for? Well, maybe I never stopped to ask God what He wanted me to do in Nicaragua or to learn or even how long I was suppose to be there. All I could see for awhile was that God wasnt really working with my plan, my expectations. And it was a little miserable at times and some things from our end here on earth couldve been better. But, when I started giving up my expectations and plans, God started to reveal his to me.

So, here is some of what I learned and answers to those questions up above :

1. The 13 of us called to Nicaragua was no mistake, God called us there and allowed it for many reasons.

2. God is not bound by time. The 4 month time frame was a man-made time.

3. God is not bound by money. The money raised for this trip was raised for Gods purpose wherever it goes and however it is used and that doesnt mean I need to stay in Nicargua to see it used on me. It wouldve been selfish to stay for that reason. Now more of the money that came with me can be used for whatever it is God plans for it.

4. God will continue to provide for me. I couldve stayed because the next month and a half of my life was paid for! What a relief of financial responsibility! But, God called me home early and he wont leave me hanging when I get there.

5. The language barrier made things lonely, difficult, and frustrating. Through the lonliness I felt, God drew me closer to him and showed me how much better it was to turn to him for comfort instead of others, mindless activities, or the nearest chocolate bar (which was often wayyyyyy to expensive for me to justify spending to often). I also thought about how thankful I will be to speak to others in my language and culture and all the opportunities I missed and shyed away from. I had such a strong desire to go deeper in conversations, something God grew in me contiunally so that I would come home with that passion and boldness. (Im on the airplane now and just had the best plane ride ever talking about my faith and life with both of my seat buddies ;-)! )

6. The power of prayer. Seriously this stuff works and its powerful! And God answers. I need a whole seperate blog for this.

7. Fasting with the mindset of focusing on God and hearing from him. I was struggling so much with the decision, that i fasted for a period of three days to sperate myself from the group at meal time which allowed for so much needed time in worship, prayer, in with Word and listening to God. I was able to process a lot! I wasnt distracted by food or other opinions when I needed to be sorting things out with God.

8. Gods plan is better. I expected to do a lot of evangelism. We didnt really do any. We did a lot of construction projects which were great and God can certainly use those in big ways for his glory and thats whats important, but I also think we couldve been more effective in sharing the Gospel and things couldve been better prepared for us by our contacts. But, the days spent constructing or painting allowed for a lot of personal thinking time and talking with God and building relationships and learning from teammates. And one of the things he told me was that Im made more for relational ministry. Getting into others lives, sharing and doing life with them. Living and working along side them. Seeing their needs and struggles. Caring for and serving them and being able to share my faith and hope and joy in my Savior! Not that Im limited to that and cant do construction and other service projects.

9. Pleasing God is better than worrying about pleasing others or self. In trying to make this decision and hear God clearly, I was so worried about disappointing other especially my supporters. I didnt want to "waste" your money (check #3). Or as my Pastor termed it, be seen as a "missionary-drop out". I didnt want to disappoint myself and feel like or failure or deny myself the chance to enjoy more of another country and culture and really cheap prices and an even more awesome tan. There was a huge weight on me for the last couple weeks though I didnt quite realize it, but I finally came to a point where I knew I had to make a choice for the rest of the trip so I could stop thinking about it. And the other night I told God if he really wanted me to go home I would go despite my fears of others or whatever Id miss out on here. And a huge peace came over me. I cant explain it because it was from God but I was on fire! I just felt awesome, that weight had been lifted and it couldnt have been more clear what God expected of me. And that was to leave Nicaragua before May 9th, it just so happens to be back to Wisconsin. ;-)

So, Im on a plane....right now.

God has taught me soooo much more than I can share in this blog. And probably much more than Im aware of right now. He has revealed some of his plan for me back in Wisconsin and Im looking forward to when and how he chooses to reveal the rest. So im not a missionary drop out, Im not so terribly homesick that I couldnt focus on something greater than me, and I didnt run away from anything, and I dont plan on doing nothing and hiding back in Wisconsin. Im still a missionary, ive just been relocated on Gods time and his timing is perfect. I couldve very easily stayed til May 9th and continued to serve, grow,  and be used by God. But, God has a greater need for me back home and he has prepared me for that, whatever that is exactly, and I will still grow, Im assuming more in Wisconsin. But the time I spent in Nicaragua, I grew more than I wouldve in Wisconsin, but its time to go back. Everything has and is happening just as God has planned and allowed. :-)

I will be home tomorrow morning after a long day of travel today. Nicaragua to Atlanta, Atlanta to Detroit at midnight, then a 8am flight from Detroit to Milwaukee for an arrival time of 930am. And then I hope to see many of you Sunday at church :-)

So please pray for flight and travel saftey for me and then my parents and DJ, who are picking me up. That God will give me awesome conversations on my flights. Either the opportunity to share te gospel or just have great conversation with other believers to build up and encourage eachother and glorify God (which he already did on my first flight) and may he open the ears and hearts of the people around us, that our conversations will catch their attention and impact them. Please continue to pray for my team still in Nicaragua...for unity, boldness, the desire to grow and serve. And for my two teammates also back in the states, for the different ministries God has called them back to.

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So Ive been deported and Im on a plane....

Okay, not really deported. But kind of. I am on a plane....I needed an attention grabber ;-)

Two days ago, God confirmed to me it was time to relocate to a different mission field, Wisconsin. Also, known as home to me. But, I dont feel like home is the proper name anymore, because of the many things Ive learned recently my home is in heaven. And my life on this earth, devoted to Jesus, is about sharing the Gospel wherever I am. Im just a traveler, a visitor, on this earth with a message to share with everyone I meet until I am called home to heaven. From one mission field to the next I go, wherever I am called by God. And so, today I am leaving the mission field in Nicaragua a head of my brothers and sister who were also called to Nicaragua with me (and Im following 2 others) to re-enter the mission field in America. Both places are equally worthy of Gods message and in need of much work to be done.

I hope to be able to share everything clearly with you; my trials, struggles, lessons learned, experiences, and my heart to help you understand my journey these past couple months and maybe more specifically, the last couple of weeks. I struggled deeply with the thought of coming home before "my time" on May 9th. Especially when two teammates made the decision, the first about a month ago and the other just two days before me. But, I now know they were just being radically obediant to God. Girls, thank you for your example ;-)

Some of my first questions and thoughts were "are they running away from the struggles in ministry, leadership, relationships and just unwilling to stick it out and deal with them?" "Are they homesick and not being content to where God has called them and looking to him for comfort?" "Maybe they arent trying hard enough." "Maybe they are here by mistake." Which brought about questions like, "why would God call them to a 4 month missions trip to go home early, that doesnt seem reasonable?" "Why would God allow and provide financially for them to get here?" and "what a waste of money they will never see used."

Well, lets start off being very honest...I like to be. There were struggles in ministry. Language barrier, often no translator or not enough to go around, disorganization, spiritual warfare, leadership mistakes, teammate mistakes,  unmet expectations, and others. But, God was present in all of this and allowed all these things to happen. I like to call these strenghtening exercises, trials God allows us to go through that we can handle with him. Thats the proper way to handle such things, though we have the choice to act alone or not at all. And at first, its was so hard to see God in these situations. Why would he allow for such things? Not being able to communicate seemed like a greater hinderance to ministry! How was I suppose to do what I came here for? Well, maybe I never stopped to ask God what He wanted me to do in Nicaragua or to learn or even how long I was suppose to be there. All I could see for awhile was that God wasnt really working with my plan, my expectations. And it was a little miserable at times and some things from our end here on earth couldve been better. But, when I started giving up my expectations and plans, God started to reveal his to me.

So, here is some of what I learned and answers to those questions up above :

1. The 13 of us called to Nicaragua was no mistake, God called us there and allowed it for many reasons.

2. God is not bound by time. The 4 month time frame was a man-made time.

3. God is not bound by money. The money raised for this trip was raised for Gods purpose wherever it goes and however it is used and that doesnt mean I need to stay in Nicargua to see it used on me. It wouldve been selfish to stay for that reason. Now more of the money that came with me can be used for whatever it is God plans for it.

4. God will continue to provide for me. I couldve stayed because the next month and a half of my life was paid for! What a relief of financial responsibility! But, God called me home early and he wont leave me hanging when I get there.

5. The language barrier made things lonely, difficult, and frustrating. Through the lonliness I felt, God drew me closer to him and showed me how much better it was to turn to him for comfort instead of others, mindless activities, or the nearest chocolate bar (which was often wayyyyyy to expensive for me to justify spending to often). I also thought about how thankful I will be to speak to others in my language and culture and all the opportunities I missed and shyed away from. I had such a strong desire to go deeper in conversations, something God grew in me contiunally so that I would come home with that passion and boldness. (Im on the airplane now and just had the best plane ride ever talking about my faith and life with both of my seat buddies ;-)! )

6. The power of prayer. Seriously this stuff works and its powerful! And God answers. I need a whole seperate blog for this.

7. Fasting with the mindset of focusing on God and hearing from him. I was struggling so much with the decision, that i fasted for a period of three days to sperate myself from the group at meal time which allowed for so much needed time in worship, prayer, in with Word and listening to God. I was able to process a lot! I wasnt distracted by food or other opinions when I needed to be sorting things out with God.

8. Gods plan is better. I expected to do a lot of evangelism. We didnt really do any. We did a lot of construction projects which were great and God can certainly use those in big ways for his glory and thats whats important, but I also think we couldve been more effective in sharing the Gospel and things couldve been better prepared for us by our contacts. But, the days spent constructing or painting allowed for a lot of personal thinking time and talking with God and building relationships and learning from teammates. And one of the things he told me was that Im made more for relational ministry. Getting into others lives, sharing and doing life with them. Living and working along side them. Seeing their needs and struggles. Caring for and serving them and being able to share my faith and hope and joy in my Savior! Not that Im limited to that and cant do construction and other service projects.

9. Pleasing God is better than worrying about pleasing others or self. In trying to make this decision and hear God clearly, I was so worried about disappointing other especially my supporters. I didnt want to "waste" your money (check #3). Or as my Pastor termed it, be seen as a "missionary-drop out". I didnt want to disappoint myself and feel like or failure or deny myself the chance to enjoy more of another country and culture and really cheap prices and an even more awesome tan. There was a huge weight on me for the last couple weeks though I didnt quite realize it, but I finally came to a point where I knew I had to make a choice for the rest of the trip so I could stop thinking about it. And the other night I told God if he really wanted me to go home I would go despite my fears of others or whatever Id miss out on here. And a huge peace came over me. I cant explain it because it was from God but I was on fire! I just felt awesome, that weight had been lifted and it couldnt have been more clear what God expected of me. And that was to leave Nicaragua before May 9th, it just so happens to be back to Wisconsin. ;-)

So, Im on a plane....right now.

God has taught me soooo much more than I can share in this blog. And probably much more than Im aware of right now. He has revealed some of his plan for me back in Wisconsin and Im looking forward to when and how he chooses to reveal the rest. So im not a missionary drop out, Im not so terribly homesick that I couldnt focus on something greater than me, and I didnt run away from anything, and I dont plan on doing nothing and hiding back in Wisconsin. Im still a missionary, ive just been relocated on Gods time and his timing is perfect. I couldve very easily stayed til May 9th and continued to serve, grow,  and be used by God. But, God has a greater need for me back home and he has prepared me for that, whatever that is exactly, and I will still grow, Im assuming more in Wisconsin. But the time I spent in Nicaragua, I grew more than I wouldve in Wisconsin, but its time to go back. Everything has and is happening just as God has planned and allowed. :-)

I will be home tomorrow morning after a long day of travel today. Nicaragua to Atlanta, Atlanta to Detroit at midnight, then a 8am flight from Detroit to Milwaukee for an arrival time of 930am. And then I hope to see many of you Sunday at church :-)

So please pray for flight and travel saftey for me and then my parents and DJ, who are picking me up. That God will give me awesome conversations on my flights. Either the opportunity to share te gospel or just have great conversation with other believers to build up and encourage eachother and glorify God (which he already did on my first flight) and may he open the ears and hearts of the people around us, that our conversations will catch their attention and impact them. Please continue to pray for my team still in Nicaragua...for unity, boldness, the desire to grow and serve. And for my two teammates also back in the states, for the different ministries God has called them back to.

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My 1st Birthday

Today I turn One.

And what a first year its been!

I cant even begin to describe my thankfulness. But, i can honestly say its been the best year of my life! So I wrote this in honor of my Father.

Sure the day I was born (actually it was at night) was rough, I cried. We all do when we are born, we're babies and we see the light for the very first time. But, Im so glad I saw the light no matter how much it hurt at the time because God saved my life and that began my healing process. My heart was broken by this world, broken because I had not focused my life, my relationships, my everything on Christ. I had begun learning about God, who he really truely was in contrast to my former beliefs about God. God is the creator of all things, God loves us, God sent his Son Jesus to die for us, Jesus is God in the flesh, Jesus desires a true, everyday relationship with us, because He has a plan for us. God has a purpose for my life.

All my life I wanted two things - love and a purpose. And God had both for me if I would only accept them from him, wholeheartedly.

I was growing to know God more and more, an unsastiable desire had been placed within me, and I for the first time heard and understood I could have a relationship with Jesus Christ. Yet, I hadnt completely given my life to him. I was still clinging on certain things tightly, not allowing Jesus into every aspect of my life. He needed to be in every room of heart and I was putting up walls. Hoping to ignore those rooms full of things I loved a little more than Jesus...and I loved them more because I didnt fully trust Jesus. I didnt trust him to completely fill me up, to give me joy, to comfort me, to love me, to give me purpose. I used school to exalt myself and to give me purpose, I used relationships for all of that and more, I used drinking for fun and comfort. But, God took these things all away and i realized that I couldnt do this halfway. I needed Jesus all the way! And I needed to go all the way for Jesus! In everything! Not just when or where it was convienant to me. But all the time....I live my life for Jesus! Im not perfect by anymeans, but God has given me a new heart, his Spirit to comfort and lead me, the purpose of finding joy in Him and glorifying and spreading His great name. And, let me tell you, does He ever Love Me! I couldnt be more blown away by His love for me and His patience, wow! Did I mention, Im not perfect? Because im not. Yet he doesnt turn his back on me or say "that was the last straw, you blew it". He disciplines me for sure and draws me back to Him. Back into His perfect love!

He has given me so many gifts and revealed plans for me for his purpose! He plugged me into an awesome body of believers who are now my family, Im in a beautiful relationship with a man who encourages and challenges me, he called me (yeah little ole me) to serve on a missions trip in a third world country, he has given me good health, provided financially, he has taught me many lessons, strengthend my faith, given me wisdom and discernment, given me a passion for youth, pictures to draw, adventures to have, adventures to be had, joy, love, comfort, beautiful sunsets, new friendships, peaceful nights under the stars, a nice tan;-), etc, etc, etc.!

This blog doesnt do Him justice. But I am so thankful that He broke into my heart and stole and saved my life from this miserable, lonely world on March 20th, 2011 so that I could start living a new life and look hopefully and joyfully toward my future. A future with Him in His big, beautiful, perfect house, forever.

Thank you, God. Thank for your Son for dieing in my place so that I may have a future with you. For pursuing relentlessly after my heart. For loving me. Thank you for loving the whole world! And sending me to serve in a third world country but also showing me the need to serve at home, so that all may know your great name and share in your great love for us here on this earth and in the great future with you forever. Thank you for saving me. In Jesus' name.  

Love, Teani

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Photo Blog of drawings

Since being here, God has gifted me with many drawings to share with others and serve as reminders of his great love for us.

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How to live forever. THIS IS LEGIT!

Everyone, Im sure, has thought about it, whether it was to live forever or atleast prolong your life. We are looking to escape death, laugh in its face. Enjoy a few more sweet moments. And there are plenty of articles, books, and websites (see picture or google it for yourself). They are all different or far fetched and some dont seem to sure of themselves, so they offer 100 ways! If there are 100 ways, a longer life seems pretty easy to obtain with so many options or they really dont know what they are talking about and threw out 100 ideas hoping youll try them all. You could try one a week or one a day and see how you feel. But lets be honest, no one even sticks to diets that long and most of their suggestions include different foods or exercises, so goodluck.....

Okay, so Im not here to tell you its impossible. Im here with the truth! And this is for everyone. Though I cant take any credit for this discovery. Its actually been published over 7.5 billion times and in thousands of languages. Yet so few know this truth! So, it deserves its own article to highlight this truth. The best part is, its simple. I can said in one sentence. Yeah, i know youre thinking "Wow" right now. You wont have to pour over thousands of pointless statistics and experiments and blah, blah, blah to reach the end and still be unsure what they were trying to say. You wont have to suffer thru this food or nasty drink or rigorous exercise (though physical health is still important, so this is no excuse to sit on your bumbum all day either).

So, here is the truth.

My son, do not forget my teaching,

but keep my commands in your heart,

for they will prolong your life many years

and bring you prosperity.

Source: The Holy Bible, NIV84, The book of Proverbs, Chapter 3, Verses 1 -2.

Go to your local Wally World and pick up this book (or Amazon or a free online site)! Do it right now. It offers more than just this one awesome sentence of truth about life. In fact it has 31,173 verses of awesome truth. Already tested by real people! The book of Eccelsiates offers a kings experiment and search for a meaningful life. And other books include marriage advice, the truth about how we were created, how to be a strong leader,or comfort for sad or hard days. Everything you could want to know is in this book and it can be yours to have in the palm of your hand. Got a question? Look it up! BAM! A truthful answer, finally.

Google aint got nothing on this book!

Check it out for yourself today!

For a free digital copy, go to, biblegateway.com

Or to order your own personal copy for you online shoppers, check out, http://www.amazon.com/Holy-Bible-New-International-Version/dp/0310912369/ref=sr_1_2_title_0_main?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330795413&sr=1-2

And dont keep this to yourself! Tell your mom and dad, brothers and sisters, friends, grandparents, the guy at the table next to you, your boss, use it as an ice breaker, the check out lady at Walmart as youre buying your copy, even people you cant stand or cant stand you (share equally with everyone, youll find this out in this book too, youll be amazed at the effect it has on others when you do share).

Okay, if youre still reading and didnt leave to buy one the first time I told you to, now is REALLY the time to go! Youll even get off your couch for the day and get some physical activity in for the day ;-)

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What weve been building and an update/prayer requests

So in these two months (almost) we have been building a lot. Building relationships in the village of Bethel, building friendships on the team, buildng a house in Leon for our cook, Estella, buidling school desks for the school in Bethel, and building trust in God. Its been awesome. Building is never easy though and it doesnt always go according to plan, but if you knew everything ahead of time you wouldnt learn anything. So along with learning to trust God with the unknown, ive grown quite grateful of the unknown as well. You could maybe even say I look forward to it because its in those moments where I need to completely trust God that I get to experience so much of Him. And His plan is always sweeter. :-)

I cant wait to see what else God has planned for us to build here in the next two months...

This week is kind of an oddweek for us as we are about half way. On thursday we will be leaving for Grenada to spend a couple days with our field support for midway debrief. Just a bit of a break to recharge, get away from ministry to talk about what weve done and seen so far, and check on how everyone is doing. We also need to leave the country for a night to renew our visas, so we will be spending one day in Costa Rica. So please pray for safe travels, we will be taking public transportation the whole time and kind of on our own in a new place and that are time away will be effective and that we can continue on when we return.

Today, is also different. The team left this morning with the church from Bethel for a baptismal service. Its an outdoor water baptismal in a waterfall or a natural spring, im not exactly sure but i heard its awesome. I am back with a teammate who has a stomach infection and hasnt been feeling up to par. For the most part she is okay, but it definately drains her energy and has mild symptoms of being ill. And I have developed a rash on my chin, the underside of my chin and neck, and a small patch on my wrist, and a verrrrrrrrry dry upper lip. I dont know how to describe it better. Its just constantly dried out no matter how i try to moisturize that bad boy and the rash wakes me from my sleep and is very itchy. Its not a huge rash and is hardly noticeable, but its irritating. So if you could be praying for us both as well for healing, especially before this trip. We also we able to see our doctor today who prescribe antibiotics for my teammate, Allyson, and a topical cream for me. So we are very grateful for an onsite doctor and our gate gaurd who drove to town for our perscriptions right away!

God is still good.

Job 2:10

He replied, “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?”

Teani

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WARNING: This may offend you...

God is so good at turning moments into learning moments. Long story short we were having a moment in the girls room that presented a friendly disagreement (that isnt important to the lesson) and then the sharing of wisdom from our leader, Shawndell (a good place for it to come from). She shared that everything Jesus did was purposeful.

Lets review right away......

EVERYTHING Jesus did was purposeful. And also important to note, He was Spirit led.

Jesus had a reason for every word he spoke, music he listened to, food he consumed, relationships he pursued, friendships he had, places he went, shirt he put on, and anything else he couldve possibly done.

And that reason was to glorify His Father, God, and advance His Kingdom. And He didnt make these decisions apart from God. He couldnt live this way without God in His life. Who is also Our Father. The big bambini, the Creator of you and me, Giver of your life and breath and heart beat EACH AND EVERY DAY, the Guy you owe everything to. Lets be honest, EVERYTHING.

But do you? Do you give everything to God? Do you do everything with the intention of glorifying Him? Or is some of it for selfish gain or personal pleasure? I honestly and ashamedly admit, I dont. Yeah, its poop. :-(

As a Christian, Jesus Christ is my role model for living and I want to be more Christ like. And it might sound tough, he does have four books devoted to his life and you may not know everything about his life but i think those five words are an excellent summary. Everything Jesus did was purposeful. Bam. Hows that for a measuring stick?

So, when I measured how I was doing, I was heartbroken. I do somethings purposefully to glorify God, I do love Him. But, Jesus didnt do Halfsies. EVERYTHING Jesus did was purposeful. Sometimes I eat food for the sake of eating food when millions are starving. I could give that food and advance the kingdom or atleast share my food and a conversation about Jesus. Sometimes I speak just to be heard and God is no where to be found even in between the lines. And sometimes Im silent when I should speak up, which is just a wasted opportunity to glorify and share. Sometimes Im not very intentional in my friendships. I dont put the effort into really getting into their lives so that I can challenge and encourage and allow them to do the same for me. I listen to some music for its beat or the way it makes me feel (I really strive not to listen to foul languaged music, but that may not be enough) and again its about me and not about praising God. I go places because Im bored without any intention of even mentioning God. And for you it might be other things. It might the movies you watch, how you wear your pants (God may have created you in His image, but we all have butts and dont need to see yours), what you daydream about, what you want to go to school for, or anything else that is a part of your life that you do that is without the same purpose as Jesus and isnt Spirit lead.

Offended yet? Well, I hope so. I am. Or rather, my flesh is. That nasty part of me that I must crucify everyday. The part of me that didnt want me to write this let alone post it, because I cant just post it for everyone to see and then not do something about it. My flesh wanted so bad not to post this so I can keep on living the way I am. My flesh told me I dont always need to be purposeful with EVERYTHING. But I do. Jesus is my absolute example. And thanks to His faithful life, I dont have to question how I should live. Theres no ifs, ands, or, buts about the life Jesus lived. He lived one way, all the time and that was with purpose to God!

So if you are feeling offended, good. Now what are you going to do about?? At this point I would highly recommend reading Romans 7:14 - 8:17. Here is even a link to make this easier for you. Youre welcome. :-) http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans%207:14%20-8:17&version=NIV

Okay, so luckily, Jesus came with some really good news. "You suck at life and theres nothing you can do to save yourself, but thats why I (Jesus) came to save you if you just believe that I am came to die for your sins and that I raised from the grave and conquered death " (this is my paraphrased version)
Hosea 13:14 I will ransom them from the power of the grave; I will redeem them from death: O death, I will be thy plagues; O grave, I will be thy destruction: repentance shall be hid from mine eyes.
< br /> < br /> And then He didnt just rise up into heaven and say, "Okay, you saw how its done, now you go." No, He left us the same Holy Spirit to lead us! Seriously, how much nicer can you get!   John 14:15 “If you love me, keep my commands. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.
So since God, Creator and Giver of our lives, gave us his son (John 3:16), Jesus, to die and suffer for our sins so that we could live eternally in His beautiful, perfect, paradise called Heaven, why am I not being purposeful with my life???? Why am I not jumping at the chance to get into to every life I come across to tell others this good news, to use the food I have, the music I listen to, how I talk, when I talk, what I talk about and where I go to scream about Jesus, To glorify God, And advance the Kingdom!? (Answer these questions for yourself. If you dont know what your problem is, take it to God.He will tell you because, trust me, He wants you to get over it and He will enable you to do so if you so choose and ask for His help). We all wanna get there, right? So why not work a little harder to get there faster and invite God completely into our lives and then invite as many people as possible to come with us?!

It just seems absurd not to be purposeful with the purpose of Jesus.

And this means every God-given life has a purpose. So dont go thinking you dont have a purpose, because you do. God gave everyone and everything life, in case you missed that. Even the aliens, so no excuses.

You wont be perfect, no one is, but that doesnt make you a failure as long as you try. And youre not alone in this purpose. We have God by our side and He is more than enough. He will equip you. We are given the Holy Spirit, (which is a worthy of its own study, so I woul highly recommend it). Things you never thought possible of yourself (giving up things, breaking habits, stepping out of your comfort zone, maybe even dropping friends, etc.) in order to live a purposeful life for God is ABSOLUTELY possible with God. He wants this more than you! He wants you so He can love you and you can live eternally with Him! But He wont force it, its your choice.

So whats yours? A life of selfishness, over indulgence,thats unsatisfying and unglorifying and only half commited to God? OR a life of total purpose to One who you owe everything?

Im going to choose the latter.



"Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans shall succeed." Proverbs 16:3

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have receieved it, and it shall be yours." Mark 11:24

"and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:20

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose." Phillipians 2:1-2

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TBH

To be honest, some days aren't all that I imagine them to be. 
To be honest, I don't feel like doing much.
To be honest, I'm often homesick.
To be honest, I'm frustrated about not always being able to communicate.
To be honest, I'm not sure I'm making a difference and some days feel like a waste.

To be honest, God is much bigger than those five things (lies, doubts,worries).
To be honest, God is teaching me a whole heck of a lot personally.
To be honest, We just finished building a house for one of our cooks.
To be honest, I receive many of the sweetest and most sincere hugs and kisses from adorable children, almost daily.
To be honest, Love breaks any language barrier.
To be honest, I came across some free spanish gospel tracts that I picked up in a shop.
To be honest, I had my first conversation about my faith and how God is leading me in Spanglish.(A beautiful mix of Spanish and English)
To be honest, God is revealing to me spiritual gifts, like drawing.
To be honest, God is revealing to me plans for my future and reconfirming them EVERYDAY.
To be honest, I've learned just how intricately God is in my life and plans my life and loves me.
To be honest, God let's me choose though and I'm learning more and more to choose and trust Him.
To be honest, I love my teammates.
To be honest, I've come to realize how relevant the Bible really is to my life and I can't get enough.
To be honest, I'm a little worried about not being able to learn and read from it fast enough :)
To be honest, God has blessed me with an incredible faith family back home and I love you all.
To be honest, home is where ever God is with me. So, I don't need to be homesick. (But, I still miss WI.)
To be honest, it's much easier when I surrender EVERYTHING to God and let Him do what He knows and does best, Life. because....
To be honest, He is the creator.
To be honest, I'm more and more in love with Jesus.
To be honest, Jesus is more and more in love with me and when He calls me He says, "You are MINE."
To be honest, Jesus is leading me to love more and more the man I left at home. 
To be honest, God still has some preparation work to do in me in many areas of my life. Bring it on!
To be honest, God is teaching me I have a voice. While Satan would rather I kept my mouth shut.
To be honest, Ministry still isn't what I imagined but God is revealing His plans for me here.
To be honest, I'm really content and excited about it!
To be honest, It doesn't matter what I thought ministry would look like because this is really God's ministry.
To be honest, I'm just really honored that He chose to carry out His plan through me and...
To be honest, I might not see any of the fruit. And that's okay.
To be honest, I believe God is calling me to pursue a almost-full time ministry at home with teens.
To be honest, I believe God is calling me to pursue an online Bible Certificate.
To be honest, I don't exactly know how this will play out or how it will look but..
To be honest, I tell you this to keep me accountable and encourage me because...
To be honest, It would be easier to forget the whole idea and just get a stable, constant, 40-hr per week job that I will know what each day will look like and serve less.
To be honest, God is fighting for me against spiritual warfare because...
To be honest, that is real stuff and Satan definitely hates what God has planned here and for me.
To be honest, I am hearing God and He does answer prayer.
To be honest, I didn't know where this blog was going to go when I started with a TBH.

To be honest, God did. 

Milk and cookies with Jesus

So, Im a Wisconsin girl ( long o's included ) and I love my dairy, specifically milk and cheese. So, i knew coming here Id be giving it up if not entirely atleast in big portions. Spanish food really isnt loaded with cheese like we do up in the states. Sad day, but its still really excellent because they actually know how to cook with spices and other things and its awesome.
Anyways, I really love milk more than cheese and God has blessed some of our meal times with milk. Usually with one or two 1liter cartons to share with 15 people at breakfast for cereal. So, not the 1.5 - 2 gallons im used to sharing with just my dad. And some people dont always like what is being served and would prefer milk and cereal so I dont always end up with a glass to drink, which is cool because I enjoy the other foods. Sacrifices. Well, God blessed us with a trip to the grocery store recently where I bought my own bag of milkand then some cookies. So, tonight I had my first night of milk and cookies with Jesus out in our kitchen. :-) (i know it sounds awesome, and trust me IT IS! so go buy some cookies and grab some milk and enjoy the moment with Him and let Him do some talking while you enjoy some goodies).
I wasnt really out there more than ten minutes and He just taught me a lesson in small blessings. In the moment I had so many things to be thankful for from Him. I had the money to purchase milk, I live near a grocery store that carries milk (some people that i met in training camp dont even have the luxury of thinking about a grocery store), i had someone who was kind enough to drive my teammates and i to the store, i live at a place with a fridge! So many people dont have any cold storage here so i have a place to keep MY milk safe and cold any time i want it, i can freely worship and soend time with God at home and in this place anyway i want even over milk and cookies. All of these are small things and at home they are everyday things often taken for granted. so I just praise God for bringing that to my attention and for these gifts, because i honestly dont need milk and especially dont need cookies. But he is just such a big lover and he knew just how to make my day, seriously i just lit up over milk! I just felt so blessed enjoying that.
And what God also taught me about my time here or anywhere was just always be thinking of ways to bless others no matter how small it may seem, because it could make their day. Small blessings can really be a huge gift to someone and are always an awesome way to testify to and glorify The Best Gift Giver of All, no people not Santa, but GOD!
So I encourage you, go grab some milk or other thing you really love, find a quiet place and enjoy and let the Lord show you all his gifts and love for you. And then ask Him for ways to do so in return for others.

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Bloomers on the line

As I am washing my clothes the other day, by hand, I stopped to look at the clothes line and noticed everyone's bloomers (underwear, for the uninformed). Now we are like 3 weeks in so I couldnt help but think how awesome it was that we are already so close as a team and as brothers and sisters in Christ. Its evident in so many ways, from washing our underwear side by side and then letting them fly in the wind in our their brilliance, to sharing testimonies and prayer requests, to sharing clothes (at least on the girls side) and sharing late night laughs and snacks to conquer our incredible desire for something sweet!

So as I continue to scrub my underwear God just kind of said, "Why did you doubt?" Why did I fear i wouldnt like them or they wouldnt like me or theyd be weird, well some are but arent we all a little ;-) ? So its just really cool to see that when God is your purpose and is the center for any relationship, friends, family, dating,etc. , you have nothing to fear. It wont be easy sailing, but God orchestrated the whole thing, God brought you together for a purpose, and what God does is good and perfect.

My team is awesome (this includes the missionary couple we also live and serve with, who God has blessed us with through their love for us, God, and eachother and their knowledge ).Im very thankful for them and their friendship and their faith. and thank you to all those who pray for my team and I. Please continue to pray for us that we will growing stronger together as brothers and sisters and glorify Him during our time here and that when a conflict does arise and the Enemy tries to attack us (because im sure he isnt lovin what we have going on here) that we stay unified and keep our eyes on Christ.

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I was expecting.

<p>I was expecting God to work in big ways in me and thru me, but I wasnt expecting it at training camp. As hard as it was, I learned a great lesson about Surrender but apparently I didnt learn it well enough.</p>
<p>So after training camp I expected each day to be just as challenging and for it to be very evident to me what God was doing and His plan. i had expectations for the ministry we would be doing and I felt like we were just being good people. And then MY expectations werent being met and doubt was creeping in. And God said, "Chill out Sweetheart (because He still thinks Im sweet even when Im wrong) Ive got this under control too! " So yesterday while we were working on a building project for our Christian cook and I had nothing to do (Struggle : spending alot of time ministering to other believer instead of ppl who arent even tho im really glad we can provide a hime for her bc she does an incredible job preparing us 3 meals a day and also having a lot of sitting around time while on the job bc there just isnt always enough jobs) i pulled out my handy dandy Bible and also picked up where I had left off in Luke. Now the night before I received a message from a friend encouraging me to read Proverbs 31, which Ive read before but the Bible is one of those great things to keep reading and reread, and so thru that i was prompted to start a womens devotional and so i bought What Happens W<i>hen </i>Women S<i>ay Yes To </i>God by Lysa Terkeurst of Proverbs 31 ministries. In the first chapter I was encouraged to say "Yes, God"to start my day, even before I had any idea what the day would look like. So thats how I started off this particular morning.
Okay so I was reading in Luke and read 9 :61,62

Luke 9:61-62 NKJV

And another also said, Lord, I will follow You, but let me first go  and  bid them farewell who are at my house. But Jesus said to him,  No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.

Okay so God did let me say goodbye before I left but what He aslo told me was dont do His ministry halfheartedly. I had all these expectations and well they werent His. Them this sparked conversation with a teammate who was struggling with the same as me and she told me about a verse in Galatians.

Galatians 6:9 NKJV

And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.

And as I continued to read God said,
Galatians 6:10 NKJV

Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith.

So the good we are doing is still ministry and part of Gods plan, even if it is stillme sitting around and that day Im learning from God and about His plans and expectations. And we need to ESPECIALLY serve memebrs of the faith family. God just wanted my exoectations too and wants me to say yes to His.Plans.

We arent always building though. Two days a week we go to the village of Bethel and build relationships there with the locals some who are of the faith and some who are not. We olay baseball and lose to the Nicaraguans but still have fun and build team unity thru this. Little girls teach us songs, hold our hands, paint our nails, love to be hugged. Our Spanish is improving and please pray that this desire and abilty will continue for all of us on the team so we can communicate more and More! We are loving our time here with the people, eachother, and God and look forward to the coming days and ministry God will provide for us.

Blessings,
Teani :-)

Ask and you shall receive.

What an incredible Promise! This is no teaser. Read it. And then receive it.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

There are no maybes in there. Beautiful. I think this relationship is going to be great because I dont want any maybes about Gods love for me and He definitely doesnt want any maybes from me.

Okay, so how can I share that with the Spanish speaking Ninos? Te amo? Nice to hear but maybe they hear it too much and dont actually receive it. How can I actually share and show love without words, only actions, and start to show them ultimately my love comes from God? That they are so loved by a Father, the Father, our Father! Well two Ninos [kids] showed me how my small actions could bring them such joy.

Armando and Marcel, hermanos [ siblings ] , warmed up to us slowly the first day. They kept their distance from just outside their house and then made there way to the street corner where they watched us play futbol with some older boys. Then they crept behind us. Just giggled and laughed and kept working closer and closer to us. Then as I turned to them to ask names, Armando reached out to take my aviators. I just watched as he put them on. He waited to see what id do. Kids fascinate me. So i kept watching. :-) Thus began a friendship. He loved them and flipped up some rocknroll signs. From then on he and his sister had no worries about us. I had given something so little (well i took them back eventually ) so freely and happily. I couldve said no or maybe and given the impression they were not worthy or not important or good enough for my things, but instead i chose "Yes". They were so much fun and even came looking the next day and discovered my big awesome Nikond40 camera. So with my guidance i let them use it. They may never see or touch a camera like that ever again. And it brougt them so much laughter. Their laughter and joy is far more important to me than anything i brought on this trip.

So with so little words they asked and received. They received my love, trust, care through things and my hugs too :-). If nothing else I hope ive planted a seed and helped open doors for them. Give much of yourself, dont hold back any love any great thing that you have when you could have an opportunity to testify of  Gods greater Gifts!

Bienviendos to your final destination...Nicaragua!

Well we have Arrived!

It is just gorgeous. The country, the people, the culture. I cant wait to be more immersed over the next 4 months. This is going to be incredible.

Last night we were greeted by a group of local teens from the town of Betel (Sp?) . Its where we will be serving most of the time. Well 22 at least piled into the back of this pick up, a large pick up bed and Marcus and I rode on top of the cab. Oh yes. Best ride ever. I felt like we were riding in Gods big white chariot pulled by His big white stead. Faces into the wind, boldly going into this country. And as a team we pray that we do just that. That we be bold to share Christ and know that He is leading us.

Lets talk about the place. Well there is a volcano in my back yard. Awesome! And we sleep with geckos and bugs which important cool with. We have walls and a roof but nothing is sealed tight allowing for nice air flow. A very open concept which i love. Everything is just so simple. Its my kind of style. :-) The food is incredible and so are our two cooks. They help us learn Spanish too.

Everything is just awesome here. I cant wait to blog more about this beautiful creation of Gods and the peopLe!

Adios

Surrender? To lose or Gain?

Well Im in Day 2 of training camp in Ga at camp chereokee ( no idea where that is ). Yesterday I arrived in the Atlanta airport to be greeted by my team and new family for the next 4 months only to be flooded with emotions of excitement AND thoughts of " God do you really want me here? Maybe you want me somewhere else...like home :-) " . Which ive come to the conclusion comes down to trusting God. Fully. Completely. Always. In and with Everything!

And well with thoughts like that...Im not. Ouch. This is gonna hurt a little. Time for some more growing pains.....

This morning we had an awesome time of worship. I love worshipping My God but ive never felt comfortable worshipping Him to the extent i want me because Im too worried about whay everyone is thinking around me. we are talking fist pumping, arms wide, hands held high, praising God. They also encouraged praying and personal outloud praises to God, just me talking or singing to Him, with everyone else around doing the same thing. Talk about awesome, 80plus voices around you all praising God.! Worship should be that way...exciting, spontaneous, personal, not just spoon fed words ( thought that unity in song is also nice :-) , and shared. We shoukdnt be afraid to praise Him outloud, or just talk to Him, pray to Him, cry To Him with others. In front of Others. I look forward to this crazy habit of worship for the next four months. I want to be so comfortable doing that and sharing it with others. So this will require some growing but i dont expect it to be painful :-) itll be fun growing.

But then....we talked about surrendering.

Surrendering control all to God knowing He has a great plan. Surrendering control of communication with home. Prayers here....the thought of it makes me homesick. Trusting God will take care of everyone and everything at home and i dont need to be there. And itllbe there when i get home. Trust that the need is greater elsewhere and i need to go.

A lot to process. A lot of good challenges. Prayers that i am willing and stay willing to accept all the challenges and changes that God has for me. Because when i surrender what i want or things that i hold more tightly i will gain much greater things from God

Jesus said...

The countdown is on. Well, it's been on, but it's down to days now. 3 days, 21 hours, 38 minutes to be pretty exact. Or, 

• 337,080 seconds
• 5618 minutes
• 93 hours (rounded down)

Until I leave for Wisconsin and land in Atlanta, GA to meet my teammates for the next four days. From there we will fly out of GA for Managua, Nicaragua on January 16th and make our way northwest to Chinandega, the city we will be staying and serving in and around. 

Our ministry will be mostly working with the youth in surrounding villages through bible studies, teaching english (hopefully learning spanish) and sports and art activities. I love kids and I knew before hand that we would be specifically going there to work with kids and that's big reason why I chose this trip. Kids are just so amazing in what they understand and can grasp and their own individual thoughts and perspective on life. And being loved and nurtured as a kid is just so important so I can't wait to get there on love on them. Some of them will be orphans and others will come from all sorts of family lives, just like here. Everyone has a story, but every one of their stories will fit into God's plan and I can't wait to share that with them. 

Other ministry opportunities include, but are not limited to, assisting in Vision Nicaragua's http://visionnicaragua.org/  medical facility and construction projects. The full details will be decided as a team when we arrive. We will also have the opportunity to be led by God as he shows us needs that may have been previously unknown - something that I thought we also awesome and really important. We won't be going there with no plan, but we don't need to stick to just our plan. God's plan is more important and I can't wait to see it.  

I'm incredibly excited. Thank you to everyone for your prayers and support and love and encouragement. I can't wait to really see how stupendous (my incredible and supportive boyfriend would be excited about the use of this word ;) ) this is really going to be. So many of you have shared your own experiences and I love to hear them, so I can't wait to see what my own will look like...but I'm sure far more amazing than what I can imagine, because that is just how God works and is...more amazing than we can imagine. His power, wisdom, and understanding is just so great!

It is he who made the earth by his power,
who established the world by his wisdom,
and by his understanding stretched out the heavens. - Jeremiah 10:12 

Last night I stood before Calvary Baptist Church and became and member and testified to Jesus Christ as my Savior and was baptized. It was a wonderful service. Thank you to all for the warm welcome and for all of those that God used in my life to lead me to Him. Thank you for sharing your own testimonies and His love and your time with me. My life is so much better and I am so blessed to have you in my life and my family. I hope to be a blessing to all of you as I serve you and beside you. :) Keep being beautiful and bold lights for others as you live your life for Christ! 

¹⁸ Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. ¹⁹ Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” - Matthew 28:18-20  (emphasis added)

I will try to keep posting blogs here, otherwise I will definitely be posting on my team blog at nicaragua.adventures.org. To be linked directly to my posts, you'll find my name on the left hand side. And most pictures will be on Face Book. You can also email me directly, I'd love to hear from you. We will be provided wifi on our campus. I can't wait to share all that God is doing in this part of the world.

Prayer requests:

- Safety flying on Friday and Monday

- That all goes well when meeting my teammates in GA

Praise:

- My trip was fully funded on time!! Thank you :)
- The peace God has given me about leaving home to live with complete strangers so that I can "go" ..it's really a big deal